| Into the storm. |
[08 Sep 2009|04:36pm] |
Lots of anxiety attacks at the con and since we've been home. I think things have to change.
Looking into meds and battening down the hatches. Any recs for or against anxiety meds? Sister has already recommended Citalopram. Prefer the idea of an as-needed solution, rather than daily commitment that will fuck me up whenever I stop.
|
|
| Mild insanity in the name of fun. |
[02 Sep 2009|04:25pm] |
|
Here are the crazy things I am doing in the name of having a fun birthday/Labor Day weekend:
- Sharing a room with both my boyfriends and one of them's other girlfriend. I would cautiously say we all get along well. The boyfriends are different in a particular way that only bothers one of them. The one who gets bothered is also very private and not a crowd person, but somehow it seemed like a good idea to suggest that he spend the long weekend in close quarters and crowds. The other girlfriend and I generally get along great, but she needs to feel secure that she's his date. Generally that's fine, but it might be slightly odd on my birthday. Hopefully not.
- Checking two very full, heavy suitcases for the flight. I'm bringing many costumes, many pairs of footwear, just huge amounts of crap. I'm doing this because last year we decided to travel light and not take any costumes and spent the whole weekend bummed out that we weren't dressed up in fun silly ways like everyone else.
- Strapping, squeezing, wedging and tying myself in a variety of outfits that will almost certainly be one or more of the following: too hot, too cold, blister-causing or prone to wardrobe malfunction. And if they do work, I won't be able to walk across the room in under an hour because of having to stop for photos.
Fun! Why do I do these things to myself?
|
|
| Onward and upward. |
[23 Aug 2009|06:48pm] |
|
I was laid off last Wednesday after five years at my job in the PR department of a large insurance/membership company. ( Read more... )
|
|
| Weasel's roommate. |
[07 Aug 2009|03:51pm] |
|
Small good thing: I seem to have figured out a shape and color that makes my fingernails look healthy and natural but also somewhat girl-like and well-maintained. Also, it's easy and cheap and I can do it myself.
Weird thing: Apparently my folks are going to host an exchange student this year. ( Read more... )
Annoying thing: Work is boring. ( Read more... )
|
|
| Elder statesman. |
[04 Aug 2009|11:25pm] |
|
Meeting with S went very well. ( Read more... )
It's funny to think back on all of the open/poly/modern relationships I've idolized as perfect and beat myself up for not being able to pull off similar graceful tightrope acts in my life. ( Read more... )
In other news, both of the men are going through tons of stress and frustration and anxiety lately relating to work and other demands on their time. To illustrate: The other night, one had a dream about his penis accidentally being cut off, and the other had a dream about accidentally being on the wrong flight as it took off. Not much I can do to help but be patient through the worst and reassuring and supportive when they can hear it. I hope very much that they both get some breaks soon.
|
|
| Lounge act, drama ripple. |
[03 Aug 2009|10:36am] |
|
Feeling better about life in general the last few days. ( Read more... )
Great show last night with silly band. ( Read more... )
What I want to talk about, though is a bit of a poly political quandary/drama ripple that seems to have emerged. It doesn't involve me directly, but like ripples do, has spread to my end of the non-monogamous pool. ( Read more... )
|
|
|
[30 Jul 2009|02:35pm] |
|
Everything feels like failure today and I'm crying at my desk. It seems like the old damage gets closer to the surface as I get older. Of all the things I tell myself, the thing that's easiest to hear and believe is I deserve to be abandoned. It just feels true and probably always will. Maybe when your universal truths are programmed in so young, there's no way to reprogram them.
|
|
| Judgment seat. |
[23 Jul 2009|09:58pm] |
|
Why is it so hard to forgive myself for all of my shortcomings and failures? Why is it so hard to love myself?
Rhetorical question, of course. Just frustrated with getting into this rut. Very often lately. Not sure why.
|
|
| Manning up to math, nerd prom and the neti pot. |
[23 Jul 2009|10:58am] |
|
- I'm all registered for the expensive class at Golden Gate University, but planning to show up the first night of a couple sections of the class at City College to see if I can get in there instead and save money. If I do, I'll definitely be able to get a refund from GGU.
- Headed down to San Diego for the Big One tomorrow night. ( Read more... )
- Worried I'm getting another sinus/chest infection. ( Read more... )
- Cat is noticeably calmer after just two days of hyperthyroid meds. ( Read more... )
- I'm back to seeing my shrink regularly, which is a good thing.
- I've had two drum lessons, and they're definitely worthwhile. ( Read more... )
|
|
| Gauging the future, work-wise. |
[20 Jul 2009|04:53pm] |
Today my team found out that there are some major budget cuts coming down the pipe, and although things are very vague and undecided, there's a chance that our jobs may be at risk. That's all my manager knows for now, and she wasn't even supposed to tell us that much. She also said she's updating her resume just in case.
I had known something was coming over the weekend and tried to figure out what I hoped for. I don't want to stay here forever. I do want to go back to school and change careers. I spoke to my manager alone after the announcement and proposed the following: I work until the end of October (the company's date for moving to Walnut Creek), then get three or four months of severance. This should give me plenty of time to hunt for other work and a nice cushion to get me through to spring semester next year, when hopefully I can start school full time.
She'd really rather keep me, and isn't sure at all if it's a good idea now to take that offer to her superiors, so we're both just sitting on it for a while. My thought was that it would be best to control my own exit to get maximum benefit, and also maybe stave off other people being cut. We'll see. I'm glad I mentioned it to her.
Since it looks like funding for Trousers' main job will be ending in September too, life does seem a bit scary and uncertain for now. For the moment, I feel confident that things will work out well for us.
|
|
| Work? |
[18 Jul 2009|08:35pm] |
|
Some odd behavior among my manager and her manager Thursday afternoon and Friday. We're wondering what we'll find out on Monday. I would not be shocked to be laid off. It's inconvenient timing, but it could still work out alright with a decent severance package. We'll see. For now I think I hope I don't lose my job.
|
|
| No answer. |
[13 Jul 2009|04:40pm] |
|
Are either of the men in my life currently good for me? Am I good for either of them?
|
|
| Medicine. |
[30 Jun 2009|12:23am] |
|
Personal failures, character flaws, limitations and proof that resources are finite and bonds are fragile. Am I a less optimistic person now because I met him, or because I'm older?
|
|
| Ex step. |
[05 Jun 2009|03:16pm] |
|
My sister's mother is a psychotic bitch from hell who brings misery to every life she touches.
There cannot be a berth too wide between me and crazy women.
Why are so many women fucking nuts in such horrifically abusive ways? Seriously, what is up with that?
I will continue to cling to good mental hygiene with every nail, tooth and sinew I've got. So glad I've got an appointment with my therapist for Monday, before I leave for the family roadtrip to see my sister graduate.
|
|
| Bad breast. |
[02 Jun 2009|03:28am] |
|
Splitting. I became the bad breast. Although I know some of the psychology, it's not helping me get to a better place about this. ( Read more... )
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
discounttherapy's journal